A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks 
since he's eaten anything besides what he could
forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves
and under trees. 

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the
woods. It has vines covering most of it and the 
man can't see any other buildings in the area. 
However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney
implying someone is home. 

He knocks on the door and an old man answers, 
with a beard almost down to the ground. The old
man squints his eyes and says 'What do you want?'
 
The man says 'I've been lost for the past three 
weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep 
since that time. I would be most gracious if I
could have a meal and sleep in your house for 
tonight' 

The old Chinese man says 'I'll let you come in
on one condition: You cannot mess around with 
my grandaughter' 

The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees,
saying 'I promise I won't cause you any trouble.
I'll be on my way tommorrow morning' 

The old Chinese man counters 'Ok, but if I do
catch you then I'll give you the three worst 
chinese torture tests ever known to man.' 

'Ok, Ok' the man said as he entered the old 
house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind
of woman would live out in the wilderness all her
life? 

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat 
(after showering), he saw how beautiful the 
grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and 
while he had only been lost three weeks, it had 
been many, many months without companionship. And
the girl had only seen the occasional monk 
besides her grandfather and well, they both 
couldn't keep their eyes off each other 
throughout the meal. 

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom
and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise
down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room
later that night thinking to himself, 'Any three 
torture tests would be worth it after that 
experience.' 

Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a 
heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and
there was this huge rock on his chest. On the 
rock was a sign saying '1st Chinese torture 
test: 50 kg rock on your chest'. 

'What a lame torture test' the man thought to 
himself as he got up and walked over to the 
window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock
out. On the backside of the rock is another sign
saying '2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied
to RIGHT testicle'. 

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the 
window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after
the rock. Outside the window is a third sign 
saying '3rd worst Chinese torture test: LEFT 
testicle tied to bedpost'.