'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it 
neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was 
in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off
the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or
by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, 
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the 
lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a 
cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up
to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the
shade while she played with herself. The moon on 
the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a 
broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what
to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty 
old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat 
little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his
ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, 
he was high as a kite, Whoa Shithead, whoa 
Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down
this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for
the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit 
shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee. They
cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, 
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my 
shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a 
clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his
bladder. I was donning my jocked, to cover my 
ass, When down the chimmney Santa came with a 
crash. His suit was al smelly with perfume 
galore, He looked like a bum and smelled like a 
whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a 
smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just 
stay awhile" He walked to the kitchen for himself
poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and 
pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife 
smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly 
down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached 
in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some
new things were packed. The first thing he found 
was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun
with a penis that spits. A box filled with 
condoms was Santa's next find, And six pair of 
panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples,
a penis extension, And several more things I 
shouldn't even mention. A fuck ring, a G-string,
and all types of oil, And a dildo so long that 
it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, 
Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and
then I'll just split." He filled every stocking 
and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug 
stuck under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, 
but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his 
ass and broke wind instead. In time he was 
seated, took reigns of his hitch, Saying,"Take me
home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!" The 
sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, 
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it
out!!"  M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S