A man walks into a bar one afternoon and says to
the manager, "I see your sign 'Piano player 
needed,' and I want you to know I'm your man. I
packed them in down there at the Cadillac Club 
until the IRS shut the place down. Not only that,
I write ALL my own material so you won't ever 
have to worry about paying royalties to ASCAP or
BMI." 

"You see the piano." said the manager, "Play me a
tune." The piano player rocked out with a 
boogie-woogie that had the manager stomping his 
feet. "That was great," he said, "What do you 
call it?" 

"I call it 'Let me Fuck you in the Ass Until your
Hemorrhoids Bleed!'" said the pianist. 

"Well," said the manager, "uh....that certainly 
is an unusual name for a song. Let's hear another
one." 

The piano player played a haunting melody that 
brought tears to the manager's eyes it was so 
beautiful. "What do you call that tune?" said 
the manager. 

"I call it 'Open your Mouth Wide and Swallow it 
ALL When I Come.'" said the pianist. The manager
replied, "Your playing is great, and I'd like to
hire you, but would you be terribly offended if 
I asked you not to announce the titles to your 
compositions?" 

"Not at all," replied the pianist, "You pay, 
I'll play." 

That evening, the crowd went wild when the piano
player did his first set. When they finally let 
him take a break, he rushed to the john for a 
long overdue piss. On the way out, one of the 
patrons button-holed him and said, "Wow! you 
play great!! But tell me, do you know your fly's
open and your penis is hanging out?" 

"Know it? HELL...I wrote it!"